CLARE FOGES: The irony of being a cougar? It just made me feel old

By Clare Foges For The Daily Mail[1]

Published: 21:36, 6 December 2023 | Updated: 22:35, 6 December 2023

You go, girl! Is this how we are meant to respond to 65-year-old Sex And The City creator Candace Bushnell’s news that she has recently dated a male model of 21?

This week, in an interview in this newspaper, she says she ‘took him out for hamburgers as I was worried he was so thin…’ I do hope he got a toy with his Happy Meal.

Are we to whoop at this latest boost for women’s empowerment, the super-cougar who — like her male counterpart Al Pacino[2] — is seen around town with a partner who didn’t exist when they were blowing out 40 candles on their birthday cake?

I’m afraid my response is more, ‘You what, girl?’ How can a grown woman be attracted to a man whose teenage years were just yesterday?

I can’t think of anything more ghastly than dating a man who marinades himself in Lynx Africa and washes his bed sheets once a year.

J-Lo dated back-up dancer Casper Smart when she was 42 and he 24

Yet cougaring has become quite the thing. In the past couple of years the papers have been stuffed with confession pieces from freshly divorced middle-aged women who have hit the dating apps only to find themselves bombarded by lusty young men born in the mid-1990s.

‘The sex is amazing!’ they trill. ‘Plus no snoring or nose hair like those dinosaurs our own age!’

For female celebrities there’s nothing like having a 20-something man on your arm to show you’re still a sex goddess: Demi Moore[3] went 15 years younger with Ashton Kutcher[4]. J-Lo[5] dated back-up dancer Casper Smart when she was 42 and he 24. Kate Beckinsale[6] was 45 when stepping out with 25-year-old Pete Davidson[7].

Madonna[8], 65, has had a string of 20-something boyfriends, while Cher[9] is in a relationship with 37-year-old Alexander Edwards — 40 years her junior.

There is a kind of equality in this, I suppose.

For a long time, age-gap relationships have been largely one-way, such as with actor Rufus Sewell, 56, who announced his engagement to a 26-year-old this week: older man, younger woman.

The reversal of this is heralded as something liberating and modern, an affirmation that women these days are every bit as powerful and sexually liberated as men.

That’s the theory, but in practice I don’t think age-gap relationships tend to work, at least not this way round. I should know; I dipped my toes in the cougar waters myself.

I was 34, at a party where I knew no one, when a young man came and offered to get me a drink. Clocking his flushed and barely stubbled cheeks, I assumed he was a waiter, but no, he was a 24-year-old guest who just wanted to chat.

How thrilling!

Kate Beckinsale was 45 when stepping out with 25-year-old Pete Davidson

At the time I was feeling jaded and ancient, and here was this barely graduated young man showing an interest.

At first it was refreshing. Instead of talking about mortgages or politics, he just wanted to do shots of Jagermeister and snog.

He was unpretentious, enthusiastic and endearingly respectful of my age-earned opinions, treating everything I said as though I was Aristotle and Gandhi rolled into one.

Alas, after our fourth meet-up, things started to grate. I took him to a smart work gathering and he got smashed on the free drinks, tried to start a singalong with my sober colleagues and wondered aloud why everyone was so boring.

When he stayed at my flat I realised he subsisted on Quavers and Monster energy drinks.

When we went to the pub, he wore jogging bottoms that showed the top of his pants. In my work suit, I looked like his probation officer.

The last straw was his pestering for naked photos. When I told him I would be more likely to gargle razor blades than send such a picture, he was perplexed.

It seems 20-something men expect women to ping over a picture of their thrupenny bits after their first meeting.

And just as I got bored of his youth, I’m sure he grew irritated with my age.

Hadn’t I heard of that Hot New Band? No. Had I really never played Grand Theft Auto?

Nope. Didn’t I want to go to the foam party in Shoreditch until 4am? Double nope.

Cher is in a relationship with 37-year-old Alexander Edwards – 40 years her junior

In short, rather than making me feel younger, this proximity to youth made me feel old, old, old.

I will hazard a guess that most of us are more likely to feel pretty and witty and bright with a man who is at least our own age.

Perhaps this is why I can see how men who are 15 or 20 years older can be attractive, in a way men 15 or 20 years younger just aren’t.

Another issue is how easily the older woman/younger man dynamic can slip into mother/son mode.

If a woman of more mature years sees her young lover heading to work with a crumpled shirt or eating another Pot Noodle, something in her may well be compelled to iron the shirt and cook them a chicken pie.

The next thing you know, she’ll be spitting on her hankie to wipe his face before a work meeting.

Clare Foges found her relationship with a man 10 years her junior made her feel old

It might be crashingly un-PC to admit, but age-gap relationships simply seem more natural if the man is the older party.

All power to the Joan Collinses and Brigitte Macrons of this world who have successful long-term relationships with younger men but, to me, the cougar-toyboy combo is not the route to long-term contentment.

Rita nails it in GBP15 Primark number

Singer Rita Ora made a statement at the British Fashion Awards this week by wearing a GBP15 Primark dress, which she accessorised with a prosthetic ‘chrome dino spine’

Is that a stegosaurus? No, it’s Rita Ora wearing a prosthetic ‘chrome dino spine’ to the British Fashion Awards. More shocking to the fashionistas present was the fact that her dress was a GBP15 Primark number rather than couture worth tens of thousands.

It’s a savvy move by Ora, who has designed a collection for the retailer — but still, turning up to a snobby fashion do in Primark takes some guts.

Lunacy to let a rapist do time in a women’s jail

The Scottish Prison Service has said trans women criminals with a history of violence against women may be allowed to serve time in a female prison if there is ‘compelling’ evidence that they don’t pose ‘an unacceptable risk of harm’.

Yes, if a ‘risk management team’ think it wise, even a convicted rapist may be in jail among women.

You’ve heard of lunatics taking over the asylum; this is the ideological fanatics taking over the Scottish prison system.

Off with their unearned titles!

Conservative MP Bob Seely believes the Duke and Duchess of Sussex should be stripped of their titles

Tory MP Bob Seely is to present a bill to Parliament to strip the Duke and Duchess of Sussex of their titles.

Good luck to him.

Why should Harry and Meghan enjoy the baubles of royalty without the graft that comes with it?

Especially now that their silence on the ‘royal racism’ row has spoken volumes.

Off with their titles!

The world’s smelliest cheese, aptly named the Minger, is on sale at Asda

Asda is to sell the world’s smelliest cheese: the Minger.

For those like me who want their cheese to smell like sports socks that have run a marathon, this is great news.

Alas my cheese-hating husband suggests purchasing The Minger would be anti-social — even grounds for divorce.

References

1. ^ Clare Foges For The Daily Mail (www.dailymail.co.uk)
2. ^ Al Pacino (www.dailymail.co.uk)
3. ^ Demi Moore (www.dailymail.co.uk)
4. ^ Ashton Kutcher (www.dailymail.co.uk)
5. ^ J-Lo (www.dailymail.co.uk)
6. ^ Kate Beckinsale (www.dailymail.co.uk)
7. ^ Pete Davidson (www.dailymail.co.uk)
8. ^ Madonna (www.dailymail.co.uk)
9. ^ Cher (www.dailymail.co.uk)